Thursday 13 June 2013

Sighs: an exhalation of breath or a sign of emotional turmoil?

[Sigh]

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing, why?" 

"Ah, well, you just gave a big sigh, that's all." 

 I don't know how many of you are familiar with that little scenario, but I get it all of the time from my wife, in some permutation or other. I really think it is a gender thing, possibly the root cause of so much misunderstanding between the sexes. Obviously I cannot speak for all Malekind, but to me a sigh is just a large exhalation of breath about 80% of the time. Possibly more. Only rarely will I sigh because I feel I am sad or exasperated or whatever other feeling could be expressed by a sigh. I am far more likely to be sighing because I have been breathing shallowly and feel the need for a good oxygenating breath. Or I might sit down suddenly and exhale sharply from the change in position. 

I think that to a woman, a sigh is one of a collection of non verbal modes of communication that they employ consciously to express dissatisfaction, a sense of hopelessness, or just as a way of eliciting an emotional response from their audience, e.g. the above "What's the matter?" If that audience is another woman, fair enough. The response will probably be uttered, and the woman can either make a dramatic denial of there being anything wrong (and thus confirming that there is) or she can pour her heart out to her confidante. If the audience is a man, there is a high chance that the sigh will be misinterpreted as a needful exhalation of breath. 

Some men are naturally more attuned to sighs than others and some men learn to invest time and effort into listening for these verbal clues - especially early in a relationship, when failure to interpret a sigh at a critical juncture can result in withdrawal of privileges, possibly on a permanent basis. Failure to pick up on a well placed sigh has its own set of feedbacks in the female mind, not least of which is a feeling that there is a deliberate refusal to pick up on such an obvious message, such as the "We have been at this party far too long, they are all your friends, the music is rubbish and the food is worse, so make our excuses and let's get out of here." You have to admit that is a lot of message to fit into a simple exhalation of breath.

I think we are back full circle to the female misinterpretation of the sudden exhalation of breath. Here is where the really fertile ground for misunderstanding lies. As the female mind is more sigh conscious, the response at the top is wide open to misinterpretation. Firstly, the denial is in fact an admission that something is wrong and therefore the cue for further investigation, which leads to increasingly vehement denials from the male, who has in fact just made the mistake of breathing out a little too forcefully. The terrain gets worse if the sigh occurs during, or immediately after a conversation. This can mean that the male disapproves of whatever the female said or subsequently did and this is therefore a followed by a more intense cross examination of the hapless and increasingly bewildered male. 

 At this point the male may sigh again. This time it probably does represent an expression of emotion or exasperation.

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